my own world of thoughts

today’s blog is mainly about my feelings for the past four months i’ve been in australia.the topic may sounds like childish or watsoeva, but believe me, im in the state of sadness to the date i wrote this blog..so presenting to you..~im sad..~

im sad…when im away from my family-i miss my hommie so badly esp. at this moment..i noe that other people will feel the same way, so do i..but it became stronger each day that im dying to go back to malaysia rite now..

im sad..if im not be able to help my friends..friend in need is yet indeed..but, im also sad if i’ve been left behind..

im sad…when i feel stress..particularly becoz of the assignments that are so challenging and im not be able to do it well..i know i can do it much better but things  are different when the lectures mark my papers..the results are not satisfying n devastating..

im sad..when i don’t know what did i do wrong..every comment is so flowery that i think i shld deserve better than what i got..the comments are so convincing and it makes me thinking why my papers-all of it-didn’t excel..im dying to be excellent because i don’t want to be at the phase like in IPBA..i want to change but the results are not showing any different n definetly i stress out..

im sad…when my grade is not the same like others..even lower than them..even tho i keep telling myself that this is not about competition where who gets highest or what, the feelings of ashame and kecewa are still there..im so sad with the fact that even tho i started early, the remark is still the same..

im sad…totally sad..with i had now..n im afraid that im not be able to change anything before i go back to Malaysia and certainly before i become a teacher..

im sad…indeed im sad…

life is more than intriguing process where u develop from one stage to one another..it’s abt learning from mistakes n become more stronger eventho u might fall once in a while..life wihout ppl around u will become meaningless n u’ll become distress, suffocated and undeniably, become lonely..thus, sumtime u need time to heal urself from any substance that cause major pain to ur inner side..dat can’t be seen by far n most important, hardly to be noticed from ppl who r closed to u..the pain cn kill u slowly  n like a bullet train, suddenly it explodes..at this point, small thing will turn out to a disaster which cn’t be repaired anymore..wat u can do is to just face all the consequences tht occur after the explosion..n regret is not allowed..

life is abt forgiving each other..tho u might feel nause or sick to forgive same stupid mistakes all the time..it’s wat u do..otherwise, u feel more hurt n angry n stupid if u dun give forgiveness..ppl r different-dats true-n to keep or maintain the differences is the hardest way to do..coz u have to cope with each other that in the end, u let other things influence ur attitudes and worst still, ur belief n ur mind..the way u think..however today, the word ‘sorry‘ seems to be the last word every mankind will like to throw from their saliva mouths..

life is abt compromise n being honest to urself n ppl in ur circle..dun even LIE in ur rship n most imprtant in ur frenship..coz to me,dat’s the biggest thing evryone shld never do..being honest is crucial n vital n essential..coz from there, ur innerside shown to ur face..dun lie, coz in the end, ppl will know ur hidden secret..dun lie to ur frens, coz alas they’ll know it..just be brave to tell ur agenda so dat ur frens will not live in confusion dat cause hatred n anger..it’ll effect ur frenship n things will never be the SAME again..

hye readers,

rite now, im in the state of being confused, blurred and stressed all the time..im not being myself nowadays where i tend to be quiet, not engage to any conversation (prefer quite rather than talking) and keep myself to my creek..
im not sure why i feel so stressful and insecure..but one thing for sure is dat there’re lots of thing in my mind now..n i feel so serabut with all those stuff..
i need sumone to talk to, but i dun noe how to get it..i need help but i dun know how to find it..i need support but i dun know how to earn it..i need evrything tht can pull me back from continues falling behind.. i need a person dat can boost my confidence and gv emotional support to me..but i dun know how to ask for it..
i just need a shoulder to cry on and pair of ears to hear my probs..but im scared n shy…
i need a friend dat can help me n i need it now before it’s too late…
anyone..pls help me from drowing..