…..mati….
salam for all readers..
mati itu sesuatu yg pasti..it’s inevitable and everyone shall taste the death..dlm Al-quran nul karim pun ade myatakn bhw setiap yg bnyawa akan merasakan mati. dan hanya pd hari kiamat sajalah diberikn dengan smpurna balasanmu. barang siapa dijauhkan dr neraka dn dimasukkan ke dlm syurga,sungguh,dia memperoleh kemenangan. kehidupan didunia hanyalah kesenangan yg memperdayakn ( 3:185)
why am i talking about death..it’s because rite now im facing the hardest moment in my life..knowing dat my beloved atok is now not being normal n sick puts me into the condition that i can’t function well. sungguh meyeksakn to know dat he’s suffering while im here and yup im blaming myself for not being there for him along with my other family members. it’s so sad to be here alone and not knowing wat to do except for keep on praying for the best and reciting yasin for him. i want to go back so badly but i can’t because lots of thing here need me to give full commitment..i just wish to back. but there’s no genie that can serves me to do that.
i love my atuk so much..n to know that he’s in coma really hurts me and stabs straight to my heart. every single of second im thinking of him and pray that he’s ok..i know that he’s not in good shape and the day when my brother getting married, he didn’t attend that ceremony because of his state of health..but i thought it’s only temporary. i wasn’t expected that he will be warded and go for an operation. tp dengan izin Yang Maha Berkuasa, he went for 2 operations and remained in coma and still in coma. i’m so stressful to hear that bad news because i wasn’t expecting for that news to come out from my mother. im shocked and still shock..
the shocks:
i received two shocks..first shock was when my mom told me that she’s in the hospital (the day i called her..the reason i called her was bcause i wanted to ask on how to clean the squids). i felt so wrong n she told me dat there’s a bad news and straightly i felt that it was all about my atuk. ok..first bang to my head..there’s no way that he’s been warded bcause he was so fit n lives in healty lifestlye..so i asked her what’s happening and all she said was just be prepared n hope for the best..ok second bang..i started to cry and because my mum knows her daughter cannot handle bad news, she said evrything is going to be ok just pray for the best n if u hv time, read yasin..then 3rd bang to my head..she hang up the phone..my tears poured so much n believed me, dat’s the first time ever im crying in that way..my eyes were swallow n red.. the whole evening i kept calling my mother what’s his condition n she said it’s going to be ok and i remembered her msg that she will told me evrything when she colled me later..fourth bang to my soul. i colled fat and spoke to her on the phone (with tears running on my face..of course)..n i asked awan to accompany me to the 7E to buy top-up card so that i can msg her continuously..
the second shock i received was dat late evening when she told me that my atuk was in poorly condition n not performing dat well after the operations (her voices were trembling n seriously this was the first time ever my mum sounded so inconfident with herself n so sad on the phone..she’s never been like this before. eversince i was here, she never cried.only me who cried alot). wat operations i asked her..she just said that my atuk was actually exprienced internal bleeding and from that point i cried so hard that i couldn’t catch my breath. the next bang was when she further explained that my atuk was unconcious and my tears just kept running thru my cheeks n i couldn’t hardly speak to her..all she said was to be strong dear and patient..hold on to your faith and believe that this is all Allah’s power…we can’t do anything expect for praying for his healthy..i couldn’t accept the fact that he’s in coma..seyesly i can’t because he’s in different world n i dun want to loose him..seriously i don’t..i cried n cried n cried n cried…
dat was yday..n today it was even harder..but atok was still in coma n my mum kept telling me to be strong (i should the one who comforts her, not her).n i speak to my grandma n she wasn’t dat good..she’s so sad n i noticed dat from her voice..i cried..again n tried so hard to fake taht am not crying (at least to my grandma)but failed..i talked again to my mum n she said that she’s on her way to the hospital..n at this boiling point, she said that my atuk was getting worst n OMG, i just went frantic n gile.i cannot loose him..it can’t be happening..but she kept telling me to be strong..all this while i think my mum who the one dat being strong (because she’s the big sister for the other 5 siblings) while im just being weak n weaker every minute.
for the nxt 10 minutes, i kept messaging my mum n my brother, asking bout atuk’s condition..n i felt so lost n lonely..im just sad..
but tonite, alhamdulillah, my atuk is recovering, albeit it’s slow recovery..his skin is getting turn into red. n my mum tells me erything about what’s real thing..apparantely, my atuks’ usus is bleeding so hard dat bloods keep flowing out from his usus..but the docs say that the other side of usus is receiving the blood as well. the reason why he’s in coma is because the docs want him to recover slowly so that his body has the time to heal.. Thank God..n he’s responding to his family whenever they talk to him. all this while i thot that he’s naturally in coma but it’s not..fuhhh..but my mum tells me that we still need to look out for tomorrow..
indeed this two days n a half experiences teach me a lot..i love my family so much…so much..there’s intensity happening in my life for this couple of days n im really super duper worry with his condition like dat..but again, i also learn that mati itu pasti..only Him knows the best for His umat..n i keep praying to Him dat my beloved atuk will survive in this battle..Amin..
